


No Chance

by Muzuki_chan



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Kinda, Multi, angst but not really, honestly y'all I'm terrible with tags, minor Tanaka Tom/Vorona, pinning shizuo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 08:24:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11642682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Muzuki_chan/pseuds/Muzuki_chan
Summary: Shizuo never stood a chance since the beginning.





	No Chance

There are so many things that clouds Shizuo's mind on this particular Tuesday morning, but most of it he's scrawled messily on to post-it notes and printed note papers that are passed back in class. He wishes he can say he doesn't know where this problem rose from but that would be entirely all too much of a lie. He knows exactly where this began, but even backtracking doesn't get rid of this problem. He's already given up by now.

Nothing is going to help him get rid of this problem.

Shizuo knows what people think of him - it's no secret when fellow students don't understand the definition of whispering - but he's not an idiot as to what the rumors surrounding him say. Having dyed his hair blond, casually skipping classes and smoking secretly on the school roof top shouldn't make him appear dumb, but it does anyway. People are going to keep assuming anyways and Shizuo's grown tired of trying to sneak in his own praises, so he's given up in the idea of portraying himself as a role model for the public that already sees the opposite; apparently he's the poster child of delinquency.

But it's not this particular problem that haunts his mind this morning, in fact, it's a problem that he's been dealing secretly himself since the early days of middle school til now, the second year of high school. It's stupid, something so incredibly absurd and ludicrous to where even Kasuka might crack a smile at.

Shizuo Heiwajima is in love with his senpai: Tom Tanaka.

He sighs, chin propped up by the knuckles of his left hand while his teacher drones on about the newest topic of the subject they are studying about. Shizuo stares at the clock hung near the door of the classroom and watches the hands tick ever so slowly towards lunch hour. His stomach flutters and his heart is notched somewhere in his throat that leaves him in a panicky-high daze.

Shizuo hasn't seen Tom-senpai for several days due to a cold, but he'd received a text message from Tom saying he would be back today. They don't share any of the same classes except web design, which starts right after lunch, so he can barely wait for time to tick by faster. It's not often that Shizuo gets class time with Tom so it's precious to him, a sacred hour and thirty minutes that he gets to spend with Tom-senpai.

But as quickly as Shizuo jumps up at the thought of being with Tom-senpai, the hollowness of bones begins to throb painfully in the aftertaste. As much as Shizuo likes Tom-senpai, it's a subject he isn't allowed to breach. It's strictly forbidden to touch and he's already been allowed to simply be one of Tom-senpai's best friends since middle school, so he is perfectly fine with this self-made compromise. There are so many reasons to why Shizuo refuses to pursue after the older male but none of them stabs as deep as the number one reason to why he desperately clings on to keeping quiet about his unrequited feelings.

Tom-senpai is currently crushing on his classmate, Vorona.

The thought of the girl brings Shizuo back to his senses and his left cheek is startlingly numb with an imprint of his knuckles leaving red splotches and dents on the sharpness of his cheek bones. Class is closing to an end as the last few minutes tick closer to lunch time, but lunch with Tom-senpai has left his mind as a particular female takes its place instead.

He doesn't know her last name but he's seen her plenty of times during the time he's been in raijin, and with his shitty luck, this also happens to be the only class he shares with her, with Vorona. He lifts his head and settles into the correct posture, leaning his back until it hits the back of his chair while his eyes dart to the far, upper right corner of the class where she sits.

It's funny that she's blond as well, but Shizuo is above taking particular jabs at Tom-senpai in his thoughts, but it's still questionable if Tom-senpai has a thing for blonds. In fact, the only reason he had dyed his hair blond was because of Tom-senpai himself.

But if Shizuo had to compare himself to Vorona he knows he would lose immediately. Not only is Vorona pretty, but she excels in everything to the point of perfection unlike himself who flounders in class unless they catch his interest. It's almost saddening when he does compare himself to her but Shizuo doesn't wallow in pity as much as he used to. He rather likes that Vorona seems like the perfect girl for Tom-senpai, and it's even better that the two of them have gotten closer lately. But it still hurts no matter how many times he tells himself in so many ways that Vorona is better than he could ever attain to be.

There's nothing Shizuo wishes more other than to forget that he had ever fallen in love with Tom-senpai.

Students begin to flock towards the classroom door as the school bell rings to signify that class has ended and the beginning seconds of lunch has started. Normally he would be scrambling out of his seat in a flurry along with them so he could meet with Tom-senpai faster, but now it's different. Shizuo crams his empty class notes into his back pack and he takes his time doing so and when the pitter patter of feet running out of class has ended, he can clearly hear a pair walking towards his desk.

"Tom-senpai has requested that I should join the group for lunch and has personally recommended that I ask you to lead me there today."

Shizuo's fingers linger on the canvas-like fabric of his back pack as his zips it closed and it takes him several minutes to plaster on a smile that wouldn't out him so quickly. With a sliver of teeth and lips pulled back into a smile he's been performing for years for Tom-senpai, he turns to face the girl standing beside him. Her blonde hair pools over her shoulders and her off-center fringe parts over her face as it gives off a mature look even when she stares at him patiently.

"O-oh, yeah," he stumbles over his words as he rises to stand, leaving his back pack on his desk as they both head out the class room. "Did'ya bring lunch or anything?"

Vorona gives a slight shake of her head and the conversation dies as quick as it had begun. Shizuo's not so good at talking and it seems that Vorona is edging towards a quiet walk today, so he doesn't say anything afterwards. With several twists and turns in the hallways before entering the cafeteria, they are both spotted by an energetic classmate and lead to one of the tables.

Shizuo's pulse rises as Tom stares their way with a smile and it takes all that he has to will down the light flush that threatens to darken his cheeks.

"Yo, Shizuo," Tom tilts his head in acknowledgement before turning to Vorona with an even brighter smile on his face. "Hey, so you decided to join us today?"

Shizuo settles on the edge of the bench while Tom starts a conversation with her. As much as Shizuo wants to turn his head away, he can't, as if there is an invisible source holding his head still and looking in their direction. The two of them are still standing and smiles tinge their cheeks with laugh lines when Tom drops an accidental pun. It's sweet, it really is, but the sweetness of their stumbling heart-felt interactions don't make him feel any better when he wishes he were the one making Tom-senpai smile instead.

The wound inside his chest somewhere starts to itch with a dull pain, and the smile on his face starts to disintegrate faster than grounded up dust scattered into the wind. No matter how many words he uses to describe this feeling, none of them can amount to the awkward uneasiness and anxiousness of being in love with his best friend while watching said friend court his classmate.

And surely none of these words could correctly explain the hollowness in his chest when he revives another smile to splay out on his lips when Tom looks his way with an ounce of concern. Shizuo laughs it off with a shrug, but he feels that he's reached his limit of seeing the two together today.

He leaves with an explanation that he's forgotten to meet up with Kadota today to exchange notes - an excuse that's recently come in handy - and he leaves with a heavy heart that fights to drag him back towards Tom, but he knows better. Shizuo knows better than to steal away the time between the two and especially since Tom has repeatedly told him in secrecy of how much he likes Vorona, so Shizuo won't allow himself to stay there.

Shizuo is barely out of earshot so it makes since in why he hears this particular sentence, but it was a mistake to turn around to see it too.

Tom is leaning against the table; his dreads are tied back into a ponytail that grazes the nape of his neck while he brings up a hand to scratch his cheek. His eyes gleam brightly as his smile grows even larger and Vorona has somehow copied the same movement but with an added flush in the apples of her cheeks and her eyes shining periwinkle under the fluorescent lights of the cafeteria.

"Want to hang out after school sometime?"

Shizuo quickens his pace despite his body weighing heavier with each movement as the salt of pain is being rubbed into open, unseen wounds. He retraces back on the written statements of why he should be fine with Tom-senpai trying to befriend and possibly date Vorona, but they all come out rather pitiful when he actually writes them out to pound them into his head quicker.

The list in his head are filled with bullet points of how Vorona is so much better for Tom than he would ever be; Vorona never fails class and aces all of the tests, she's more than just pretty in multiple standards, she's athletic and actually shares the some hobbies Tom has and the most important one of all -

\- Vorona is a girl.

The reason why Shizuo had lost even before anything had ever begun was the fact that Tom-senpai was straight.

  
Shizuo never stood a chance since the beginning.


End file.
